Breathe.....Breathe...

A parent should never see their children suffer... no matter what happens, a cut on the arm to the most horrific diseases..  a child is a child and they should not know the feeling of pain or suffering.. unfortunately they do.  Gael had a severe allergic reaction to peanut butter on May 31st. I was simply giving him chocolate cake and did not know there was peanut butter in it. A few minutes later.. my boy's face blew up like a red balloon,his eyes swelled shut,  hives all over, him screaming in pain, then as we were entering children's memorial hospital, he went limp for a few seconds.. then jerked up and started vomiting... for those few minutes.. I saw my world crashing in on me.. as a parent you protect your children, and when you see them in any sort of pain, nothing else matters but fixing it. So we spent the night in the hospital, he is anaphylactic and has to carry an epipen with him now. Doctors were afraid he was going to suffer another attack and stop breathing so for that one night I was on breath watch, I held my boy for 6 hours straight standing up, not only just to keep him comfortable but to feel him breathe. Nothing in the world mattered at that moment, not the move to CT, not the economy, not my stupid blackberry, not standing there with regurgitated chocolate cake on me nothing.. just wanting my boy to get better. It was hard to see them put an IV in his arm, it was hard to see him writhing in pain.. if you know my boy, he's nothing but a package of joy, laughing, gibber-jabbing, jumping.. beyond happy... and for 24 hours.. I did not see that same boy.  I cannot imagine what it is like for parent who has to go through this with their terribly sick children.. I wanted out of Children's Memorial, although thankful for their expertise, I wanted far away from that place.. 

I have a new appreciation for allegry sufferers.. I always knew the stresses of it, but only by word not from experience, my sister Stephanie suffers from several allergies, one of the being the dreaded peanut...When we were frantically going to the ER, I called her, she is an encyclopedia of knowledge when it comes to this, and she knew the symptoms right away. After my frantic call to the doctor, she was the second one we called. I had no idea the trauma she has to deal with when it comes to these allergies, I had to go through my pantry and toss so much out because there are so many packaged foods or ingredients that contain nuts, or tree nuts, or have been made using equiptment that has been exposed to tree nuts.. You've always got to be on your toes.. I recalled an incident that Stephanie went through, she was in college and my sister Sybil was visiting, Stephanie was to receive an award at U of M, and they had went out to eat at Bennigans, she had asked if her meal contained nuts, they said no.. they were wrong.. shortly after, she suffered an attack so terrible it sent her to the hospital and intubated. Sybil still says an "angel" saved her, a strange man gave her one breath of air and said she'll be ok.. then left.. my mother went immediatly to the hospital and told the docs and nurses to take the restraints off to let her fight on her own. And with my mother there... she opened her eyes and said "Where's Pa?" she was looking for my father. I reminded my mother of this tonight as we spoke about Gael, and she started crying as she told the story, she said it was the worst feeling in the world to see Stephanie like that, but the best thing she heard was hearing her speak, my mother said she remembered thanking God over and over.. it's been years and to this day, when speaking about what happened to her child, it brings tears to her eyes. I have a new appreciation for the struggles Stephanie has had to go through, my son seems to have that gene from her and as she said.. they will have that special bond. 

I am glad it happened here...I knew where everything was.. the hospital, doctors, close proximity to my family to help.. In some ways it happened like that for a reason, I know what to prepare for when I move... and within the dust of this craziness and stress I'm coming back to reality and what matters most.. my babies... and every air of breath they take... God am I grateful for that.